


Morriña

by RuinousScribe



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Sequel, as per request, first part is Saudade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-06-25 08:14:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15636753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RuinousScribe/pseuds/RuinousScribe
Summary: a very deep, nostalgic and melancholic homesickness experienced as one intensely longs to return home;"a 'saudade' so strong it can even kill"***this is a sequel to my story Saudade, so check the out first if you haven't yet***





	Morriña

**Author's Note:**

> I'M SO SORRY FOR THE VERY LONG WAIT, I UPLOADED THE 'TEASER' THE WEEK BEFORE CLASSES STARTED AND I HAD NO TIME TO UPDATE 
> 
> to clear up misunderstandings: jeonghan was a brunette during their first year, he dyed his hair lilac during their third year, and was a blond for their fourth year ㅡ which is where Saudade (part one) left off
> 
> what's your hogwarts house? i've been sorted into Ravenclaw O.O
> 
> Also, this was barely edited so, please excuse the grammatical error or typos 
> 
> PLAGIARISM IS A CRIME

  
  
**Morriña**  
[ **mo-RI-nya** ]  _noun_

 **Origin** : Galician

_a very deep, nostalgic and melancholic homesickness experienced as one intensely longs to return home;_

_"a 'saudade' so strong it can even kill"_

**Pairing: Choi Seungcheol | Yoon Jeonghan**

**ㅡ**     

"Hyung?" Chan's voice sounded muffled through the door, but the soft rapping on the door was enough to wake Seungcheol from his stupor. He had never been a heavy sleeper and was often awakened by the smallest of sounds (unlike someone). He groaned lightly as he stumbled out of the tangled sheets of his bed and opened the door for his housemate. Chan smiled at the older as he ducked past Seungcheol's arm to throw himself on said boy's bed.

"What time did you arrive?" Chan inquired from his newly made nest as Seungcheol tried to rub the sleep from his eyes. "I thought I'd be the first one here."

"Our trip was cut short because of some storm and I convinced my folks to just let me go back early," Seungcheol answered, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "Why are  _you_  here so early?"

Chan shrugged. "I was bored at home. There's nothing to do after all the celebrations, really. Anyway," he turned to face Seungcheol properly and the older gulped at the sight of Chan's intensely curious eyes. "How are you?"

"I'm okay." Seungcheol replied quietly after a moment of contemplation. He had to look away from Chan's eyes because he knew that the truth was swimming around in his own eyes. Hastily trying to pull himself together, he jumped from the bed and forced a smile unto his face. His smile slipped as Chan looked at him sadly as if to say, " _I know you're not, hyung_ ", but instead he said, "Okay."

"Go ahead and unpack, I'll wait for you in the common room," Seungcheol pulled the younger off his bed and pushed the boy out the door despite the younger's protests. He sighed as he closed the door behind Chan and leaned against it heavily.

He appreciated Chan's control over his curiosity, but he knew that he'd have to get used to seeing people look at him in pity. He knew that not everyone would be as merciful with their questions. He also knew that it would always pain him to have to hear those words. Who would've thought?

Jeonghan was his best friend.

Jeonghan was his guardian angel.

Jeonghan was  _his_ ーand now he wasn't.

Seungcheol could still feel the chill that he'd felt that morning when he woke up, a timely warning to the day ahead. He thought nothing of it and opted to push it to the very back of his priorities as he got ready. Maybe he should trust his gut instinct more.

He could still remember how he had been doing his work in the library before Joshua quietly took the seat next to him. Seungcheol had often seen Jeonghan around the Hufflepuff when the former was not with him, but he had never really had any deep, meaningful conversations with Joshua except for their occasional greetings. So, Seungcheol saw no ulterior motive in the younger's actions as he sent a polite smile Joshua's way before going back to reading his books. However, when he felt Joshua's piercing gaze on him, he hesitantly turned to face the younger, "Can I help you?"

"Seungcheol," Joshua softly spoke without the formalities, but his tone was nothing short of respectful. "Jeonghan wants you to meet him after class."

Reaching into his robes, the Hufflepuff pulled out a small piece of stationary paper that leaked the faint fragrance of lavender. He carefully placed it atop Seungcheol's open book before quietly taking his leave. Written in Jeonghan's elegant penmanship was where he had offered to meet and signed off neatly in the corner. With his heart suddenly feeling like a dead weight on his chest, Seungcheol frowned at the note. Since when did they need to have to talk through people?

He vividly remembered how the grounds were covered in a blanket of snow that day. The night before had seen a heavy fall, leaving behind a fresh bed of white for everyone to wake up to. Jeonghan had always loved the snow. Seungcheol had been reminiscing about all the times he and his best friend had always dived into the coldness despite warnings. He remembered he'd always thought that Jeonghan was trying too hard to perfect his snow angel. Seungcheol would have to drag him back inside and practically shove him towards the hearth.

He could remember how his heart jumped and did somersaults inside him when he saw Jeonghan walking through the halls. The younger hadn't seen him. He watched in awe as Jeonghan confidently strode through the hallways as if it were a runway. His robe was left open despite the cold and it flew behind him gracefully. The people who he passed by couldn't help but stare and Seungcheol smiled at their starstruck expressions, knowing fully well that indulging in them was one of Jeonghan's guilty pleasures. Seungcheol mused that from afar, the beautiful boy almost looked like a Veela, and he smiled to himself at the thought. It wasn't his first time fantasizing of the boy's beauty, as he had already confirmed from said boy's parents that they had no Veela blood in their lineage. Nevertheless, he would often catch himself wondering, and when Jeonghan had yet again dyed his hair, this time to a bright blond, the resemblance to actual Veela was uncanny.

He could still feel how he had strained his voice that day, battling against the unforgiving winds as he sought to get his point across. Now, his fists clenched at the thought of having yelled at Jeonghan. He could have approached the matter in a more rational way, but he had to cut himself some slack when he remembered how much pent-up frustration had been building up inside him. He had missed Jeonghan too much to care for whether or not he had been too harsh in putting emphasis on that fact.

He could still feel that tightening of his chest and the horrible feeling of his stomach twisting in knots at the memories of Jeonghan's tears. He never liked it when Jeonghan cried ー he was most beautiful smiling. Seungcheol was always there for when the younger needed to let it out and he was always able to comfort the other because those tears he'd shed were never meant for him. He was there because Jeonghan trusted him to never be one to judge and because Jeonghan knew he would never take advantage of his weakness. And yet, for the first time in their friendship, Jeonghan had refused the comfort of his embrace. 

_"I'm asking you to leave me be."_

He could remember how Jeonghan's words lodged into him like a warrior's arrow. It had left him breathless and numb. He sat there frozen as he watched the younger boy get up and leave without looking back. He bled through translucent tears as he sat alone in silence. He considered pinching himself to try and shake himself awake from the nightmare, but the pain was real. The cold was real. The tears were real.

Reality was that he had just lost his best friend.

* * *

 

Seungcheol ran a hand through his hair in exasperation. This whole pity thing was getting old real fast. He understood that most people would have been feeling uncomfortable for the past few weeks seeing Jeonghan purposefully ignore and avoid him, but having to absorb the same sad smiles and words of false encouragement was getting exhausting. It had barely been a month since winter break ended and more than one since he last exchanged words with his former (ouch) best friend, and it seemed as if the whole school was mourning.

He appreciated the thought and all, but he still had his pride. No, scratch that. He was just tired of it all.

He had skipped various gatherings to try to not be the centre of attention, but that just seemed to draw people to him more. He was too busy pretending to be  _okay_  that he almost had no time to actually feel whatever it was he was really feeling (try devastation? grief? heartbreak?). Not like he could vent it out to anyone seeing as he was kind of best friend-less at the moment.

Sighing, Seungcheol braced himself to face the dinner hall. He had told Soonyoung to go ahead, but not looking like a total loner may have helped his case right now. He walked to his seat, keeping his eyes trained to his group of friends and trying his best to avoid eye contact with the randomly scattered numbered of people who sent a worried look his way. But his eyes stubbornly searched the room and landed on Jeonghan's form as if on autopilot. The other had his back towards Seungcheol's table and he seemed to be engrossed in a heated debate with Minghao. Shaking all the unnecessary thoughts away, Seungcheol trained his eyes on the ground.

"Hey, hyung." Seungcheol gave a small wave Soonyoung's way before taking his seat. The younger offered a sympathetic smile. "How you holding up?"

"Well, besides the fact that people seem to always want to give me hugs and the dreaded pats, I think I'm doing good," Seungcheol mumbled into the table as he moved aside a few plates and rested his head on his folded arms. "Wake me up when dinner's over."

"Aren't you going to eat?"

"I lost my appetite." Was Seungcheol's curt reply. Soonyoung and Chan exchanged concerned glances but didn't dare ask. Seungcheol had sounded so tired. And he was.

He had spent the past nights far away from slumber and buried waist deep in his thoughts. The darkness was the only thing he could take comfort in; it was the only time he had no prying eyes surrounding him. He spent the nights trying to figure out what went so wrong.

Tonight was no different.

Jeonghan had always been one to speak his mind, and despite being quite private about himself, he never kept anything from Seungcheol. That was one of the best things about their friendship; they could freely be themselves around the other without fear. Jeonghan always tore his walls down for Seungcheol, so when he found himself on the other side, it certainly came as a shock.

They had been as close as blood brothers ever since they were little. But, that did not necessarily mean that Seungcheol never thought of wanting to be more than best friends with the younger. At first, he thought that maybe it was just a natural parental instinct that he felt towards Jeonghan and that was the reason for feeling like he had to protect the other at all costs. As they grew older, however, he couldn't help but feel as if he not only wanted Jeonghan protected, but want himself to be the one protect Jeonghan. After a lengthy counseling with his parents, he not only discovered his sexuality, but also the fact that he was madly in love with his best friend.

Seungcheol had tried his best to tuck his feelings away, but with Jeonghan always having been extra clingy, it was extremely hard. What was harder was having to deny the younger whatever it was he wanted. In the end, he had to settle for a compromise. He would treat Jeonghan the best he could, supporting himself on the very thin line that separated being best friends and being more than that, so long as Jeonghan was comfortable. Fortunately, the younger didn't seem to mind.  _Unfortunately_  for him, he was also indifferent to the subtle hints that Seungcheol would occasionally drop at his feet.

When they entered Hogwarts together, Seungcheol was hoping that they'd leave in the same way. It seems as if Jeonghan had other plans. Their first two years had been smooth sailing, but they seemed to hit an ice berg on their third. That was when Jeonghan seemed to find any possible excuse to not be with Seungcheol. Seungcheol understood that he may have already adapted to the change and did not need to spend as much time with Seungcheol given the group of people that always seemed to surround him. After all, Slytherins were prone to cliques or fraternities or whatever. There was also the fact that their friendship was certainly quite strange ー a Slytherin and a Gryffindor who bear no animosity towards each other? It was almost unheard of. But, they made it work. Or at least, they tried.

Seungcheol would be lying if he ever said that Jeonghan's absence did not hurt him or at the very least annoy him. He understood the whole power dynamics of the system, but he didn't understand how that would necessarily have to affect his personal relationships. Admittedly, there were the select few that he was close friends with in his house seeing as they had many traits in common, but that didn't mean he did not have time for his best friend. But, to respect Jeonghan's unspoken request, he gave him space. He tried his best to ignore that empty feeling in his chest when he'd be laughing with other people and end up wondering if Jeonghan was happy and laughing at that moment. His thoughts always seemed to be traceable back to the younger.

When he finally got to talk to Jeonghan, he didn't know what to expect.  _I want to stop hurting myself_. That was what Jeonghan had said. Seungcheol felt himself sinking deeper and deeper into the abyss.  _He was hurting. He was hurting because of me?_

Seungcheol hadn't missed the way Jeonghan flinched the slightest bit and the way pain seemed to seep into his glassy eyes when Seungcheol told him he loved him. He didn't smile the way he always did. He didn't say it back. He just looked  _wounded._  Seungcheol couldn't help but think that maybe Jeonghan  _didn't_ want him to say those words. As if the words that slipped from Seungcheol's lips weren't a symbol of affection, but were sharp daggers that just hurt him.

And when Jeonghan's final words left his lips, all Seungcheol could do was hope it was all a bad dream. But, it wasn't. It was real. It happened. And it was haunting his every waking day.  

* * *

 

"Soonyoung told me you stopped eating." Jihoon's tone suggested he was pissed and Seungcheol looked up to meet the younger's eyes to confirm it. He shrugged before closing the dusty book he had been staring at for the past half hour. Jihoon wasn't wrong, but that wasn't the whole truth.

"I have been eating, just not full meals." He replied, patiently waiting for the Ravenclaw in front of him to enlighten him on the purpose of his visit. When Jihoon continued to fume silently, Seungcheol spoke again. "If that's all, I think I'm going to go andー"

"Sit back down." Seungcheol had been around the Ravenclaw enough to know that he meant business, so he obediently took his seat, sighing. Jihoon unceremoniously took the chair opposite him and Seungcheol couldn't help but wonder how he was able to minimize the noise of violently pulling the chair back to seat him. He focused back on Jihoon when the other seemed to scrutinize him. "What the  _fuck_  do you think you're doing?"

"Excuse me?" Seungcheol spluttered at the obscenity. He knew that Jihoon was quite a far cry from his housemate, Wonwoo, but he never expected this.

"Why are you acting as if the whole world has stopped just because some stuck-up prick refuses to acknowledge your existence anymore?" At this, Seungcheol felt more than just surprise.

"Don't you dare caー"

"Well, if we don't go to extremes, it seems as if we can't get anything through your thick skull," Jihoon interrupted him in a hushed but firm voice. "It isn't the end of the world, Seungcheol."

"I know that. You know, I've had this conversation with countless of people already, and I know the drill. But, you just don't understand, alright? Why can't you just accept that I'm not some charity case or whatever that people need to  _fix_." He was usually level-headed, but to add exhausting days to sleepless nights, the stress was taking its toll on him.

"We're your friends, Cheol. We're just worried about you." Jihoon's tone softened and Seungcheol let his tense muscles relax.

"I get that. But, this isn't some sort of group project that we have to solve, okay? It's  _my_ problem."

"One you can't seem to do by yourself." At Seungcheol's glare, Jihoon realized muttering to himself in an almost empty library wasn't exactly the greatest idea. "Look, I don't want to keep arguing with you. I just thought I'd give you a piece of advice?"

"Of course, because you're suddenly the expert on relationships and emotions."

"Shut up, arsehole," Jihoon shot back. Sighing, he held Seungcheol's gaze before speaking with utmost sincerity. "If he really means the world to you, I think it's high time for you to actually do something about it."

With that, Jihoon took his leave. Seungcheol sat there for a while, quietly pondering over Jihoon's words. As usual, he was right, and rational. With a goal set in mind, Seungcheol struggled to heave the random book he'd grabbed to where it came from.

Throwing caution to the wind, Seungcheol ran down the expanse of the halls, occasionally having to push his way through groups (without forgetting to shout, "Excuse me!" half a meter away from said groups). He did not have a destination in mind, but he knew who he was looking for. If Lady Luck was on his side, he'd find Jeonghan in no time. Maybe he'd even look out for Joshua; this wasn't the time to be picky.

It turns out, She was having an absence streak with the boy so he ended up running around the castle without any particular clue of where it was he was actually trying to go. He didn't find who he was looking for and was 5 minutes late to his next class. He had to profusely apologize to his professor and take his seat all the while feeling like he could overdose on the adrenaline that was rushing through his veins. Curse Jihoon and his unexpectedly motivational (if not slightly obscure) speech. And as if hearing his thoughts, the Ravenclaw turned in his seat to smirk at Seungcheol (after subtly receiving a bill from a grumbling Soonyoung).

He did see Jeonghan by dinner time, but Soonyoung had firmly pulled him to his seat and pushed a plate of food in front of him in a silent demand to nourish himself before Seungcheol could so much as take a step toward the blond that he couldn't take his eyes off of.

"I'm not hungry," he tried hurriedly. He fidgeted in his seat as he waited for the right time to just shoot up and somehow walk over a whole table (that extended from one end of the room to the other). Chan's voice broke him from his plans.

"Don't cause a scene, hyung. You have plenty of time after dinner."

"Don't talk with your mouth full," Seungcheol reprimanded in reflex. Despite his impoliteness, the younger was right. And Seungcheol lied about his appetite. That was obvious enough by the way he pulled back the plate he dismissed and dug in.

"What did Jihoon say to you?" Soonyoung hesitantly asked from Seungcheol's side. "I don't like that look in your eyes."

"He just told me what I had to do," Seungcheol replied calmly. "Your boyfriend's pretty convincing when he wants to be."

"He ー we ー no, he isn't my ー we aren't t - together," Soonyoung stuttered, suddenly focusing on his food. 

 

 

"I'll meet you guys later," Seungcheol lightly pushed at his friends as he struggled to catch up to Jeonghan who was caught in the middle of what seemed like a stampede. Chan glanced at him worriedly, before he was pushed along by Soonyoung.

"Jeonghan!" Seungcheol called over. Jeonghan looked over his shoulder and locked eyes with the dark haired boy. His lips set in a tight line as he stopped walking. He seemed to think for a moment before grabbing the arm of a passing Slytherin.

"Go on ahead," Jeonghan told Minghao, his eyes never leaving Seungcheol's. Minghao traced his line of vision and raised his eyebrows at Jeonghan. The older challenged him with a look of his own before the Minghao backed away with a wry smile. "Alright, hyung."

Looking back at Seungcheol, Jeonghan slowly made his way towards the older. Stopping right in front of him, Jeonghan masked his emotions, "Did you need something?"

"Yes." Seungcheol cleared his throat. "I need to speak with you."

"About what?" Jeonghan narrowed his eyes at Seungcheol's fidgeting. The taller nervously licked his dry lips before tugging nervously on the collar of his shirt. He walked ahead knowing fully well that Jeonghan would be following. When they reached an empty stairwell, he finally turned to face the younger. "I'm not giving up."

Furrowing his brows at the vague statement. "Excuse me?"

"You never gave me a good enough reason to leave, Jeonghan." Seungcheol spoke with surprising firmness. Jeonghan sighed at this and leaned against the wall behind him, crossing his arms.

"What are you talking about?"

"Nothing's going to hurt worse than not having you by my side." Seungcheol said, looking Jeonghan's eyes. The other wavered for a moment before the ice returned to his eyes. "I'm not leaving you."

"That's your choice," Jeonghan stated. "But I already told you that  _you_  are hurting me, why the  _fuck_  can't you understand that?"

Seungcheol felt a lump in his throat. Having Jeonghan be so blunt to him never hurt this bad before. When Jeonghan continued, it felt like poison to his wounds. "I don't  _want_  you back, Seungcheol. I'm looking you in the eyes, aren't I?"

Seungcheol smiled softly at Jeonghan, confusing the younger. He let out a little chuckle as he looked at the perplexed boy in front of him. "You were never good at lying to me."

And that was how Jeonghan found himself being constantly tormented by an incredibly strong-willed Seungcheol.

* * *

 

 _Your roots are showing._ Was the only content on the card that had slipped into his book that day. Seungcheol had someone on his side ("A double agent," Jeonghan had revealed with narrowed eyes) who had the job of delivering his hand written notes to Jeonghan by placing it somewhere on the younger's things. Jeonghan hadn't caught the culprit yet, but he was keeping a close eye on Minghao.

Unconsciously, a hand lifted to smooth out his blond locks. It  _had_  been a while since he'd dyed it. On impulse, Jeonghan turned to the mirror and tilted his head as he observed. It was true; his dark brown roots were showing. However, it didn't look bad and he quite liked the effect.

"Seems you've got yourself a secret admirer," Kihyun appeared from beside Jeonghan, lightly bumping him to look at himself in the mirror Jeonghan was hogging. He messed with his pink locks for a moment before smirking at Jeonghan through the mirror. "How flattering."

"It's just Seungcheol being stubborn." Jeonghan didn't know why he was telling Kihyun any of this, but he continued. "He's under the impression that I'm just a little bit  _upset_  with him."

"You're on a  _break_?" Jeonghan turned to Kihyun and subjected him to a sharp stare.

"We are  _not_  on a break. We're not friends anymore." Kihyun's eyebrows raised at this.

Looking pointedly at the piece of paper that Jeonghan clutched, he commented, "He didn't seem to get the memo of the break-up."

"Don't you have anything better to do?" Jeonghan snapped at him. The pink haired male smirked at him one last time before finally leaving his side.

Huffing, Jeonghan walked out the door in time to walk with Junhui and Minghao to their class. Junhui spared him a glance before looking forward again. When he spoke, Jeonghan had to make sure that it was him being addressed. "How long are you two going to keep this up, hyung?"

"Keep what up?" Jeonghan asked distractedly as he traced the loops on Seungcheol's handwriting.

"The game you're playing with that Gryffindor." Junhui answered curtly.

Jeonghan froze in his step and Minghao turned back to look at him worriedly. Junhui, on the other hand, looked unaffected as he stopped beside Minghao. It was actually incredible how he could keep a straight face given the older's menacing glare.

"What the  _fuck_ do  _you_  care about what I do?" Minghao's eyes widened at the sight of sudden pain swimming in Jeonghan's angry eyes. Cursing his best friend a thousand times in his mind, he stepped between the two.

"We're sorry, hyung." Minghao tried just as Junhui spoke. This boy could  _not_ take a hint. "It's just a question."

"Well, next time, keep your  _fucking_ questions to yourself." Jeonghan growled and pushed past the two angrily. Minghao looked back at Junhui in panic.

" _What do you think you're doing riling him up like that, Wen Junhui_?" In his flustered state, his words unthinkingly came out in Mandarin.

"Sometimes, people need a little push." Is all Junhui says and Minghao wondered briefly how it is that he was able to understand the other's cryptic words, but he let's out a breath or relief.

"You're spending way too much time with Wonwoo hyung."

In his rage, Jeonghan had thrown all thoughts of his angelic image out the window. He was beyond livid and yet was in immense pain at the same time that he could care less about what people would say. He could come after them another day.

As he made his way through the halls, the crowds knew to part and let him through. He barely noticed as his thoughts were going haywire. He wondered what Junhui meant and knew that the only way to actually turn his messed up emotions into concrete actions was to consult his ever trusty Hufflepuff.

"Yes?" Joshua looked up from his book and looked at Jeonghan patiently when the blond stormed into the room and stood in front of him. Jeonghan pulled Joshua up and pushed him towards a more private corner before pulling him to a seat.

"I don't know what to do anymore, Shua." Is what he said. "It's been over a year and I hate myself for doing thisー"

"You're right; you should have listened to me." Joshua cut him off and Jeonghan overcame his look of shock quickly.

"You can't just drop that kind of bomb on someone, let alone your best friend." He defended himself. At this Joshua looks at him softly and sighs.

"If he truly cares for you ー as a friend, at the very least ー he would understand, Han. I know that it's is difficult, but you have to trust him to not leave. He might just care for you more than you think." Jeonghan was silent for a while so Joshua continued.

"You  _have_ to tell him the truth. If he chooses to stay, then you have to let him in if he's there to help. If he chooses to leave, Hannie, you have to let him go." Jeonghan nodded absent-mindedly at Joshua and the younger smiled at him sadly.

"Thank you for being here, Shua." Jeonghan smiled weakly at him and the other pulled him into a hug.

"I'll always be here for you." 

 

 

 

"Choi Seungcheol." Seungcheol's head shot up at the sound of his name. But the speed at which it did was due solely because of _who_ had called his attention. Jeonghan stood in his doorway and was looking at him gravely. "I need to speak with you."

"Uhh, come," Seungcheol cleared his throat and sat up on his bed, his fingers moving up to desperately tame his wild bed hair. "Come in."

Jeonghan hesitated for a moment before he steeled himself to enter the room and pulled a chair to sit directly in front of Seungcheol. When he didn't speak after he sat, Seungcheol dared a glance. "Whatー"

"I need to tell you something, Cheol." The sound of his nickname caused his heart to jolt in his chest. It had been a while since Jeonghan addressed him as such. Well, that and he _was_ spending his every breath pretending as if Seungcheol was a ghost (but at least the ghosts in the castle had people speak to them).

"And, I need to know that you'll listen." Jeonghan's voice had lowered to what was akin to a murmur, but most people had already vacated the dorms and the silence just seemed to amplify his words and the pounding in Seungcheol's chest. "Promise me, you'll hear me out. _Please_."

Faced with the vulnerability in Jeonghan's trembling voice, Seungcheol could only nod dumbly. He adjusted to a more comfortable and attentive position to prove his sincerity. He patiently waited as Jeonghan seemed to collect himself, his heartbeat thrumming against his ears.

"You said I never gave you a reason, and you're right," Jeonghan started. "I was being selfish ー I probably still am ー and was only looking out for myself. In trying to protect myself, I did the one thing I'd never wanted to do; I hurt you, Cheol.

"And thats why I don't understand why you chose to stay despite me being, well, _me_. But, that's besides the point. And I'm rambling again. The thing is," Jeonghan paused to take in a nervous breath.

_Here goes nothing._

"I love you. And _no_ , I don't mean as a best friend or a brother. You're my _home_." Jeonghan's cautious eyes met Seungcheol's confused ones. "I'm in love with you, Cheol."

At this news, all Seungcheol could do was freeze and gape as he tried to process the younger's words. His thoughts were all over the place because of Jeonghan and it was quite hard to keep on adding these missing puzzle pieces. The words did not register any meaning in his head and he had to go over them a couple of times before he understood what exactly was happening.

And then he felt shock. _He loves me. He's in love with me._

He felt elated. And then, the pain sank in. He felt _betrayed_.

When Jeonghan seemed close to tears, Seungcheol seemed to snap out of his daze. However, still confused with the whole situation, he restrained himself from acting on impulse (everything in him was screaming for his body to move and comfort the almost crying boy in front of him). In a shaky voice, he asks, "Then why did you leave?"

"Why did you leave me?" Seungcheol hated how weak his voice sounded. The sound of the tremor in Seungcheol's voice sent an ache to Jeonghan's heart. It was very rare for Seungcheol to show his fear or anger or sadness, and yet Jeonghan had seen his best friend go through all of that. And it wasn't necessarily a good thing because he had been the cause.

"Because I'm afraid," Jeonghan whimpered. "I'm terrified of you not accepting me for being this way. I was scared of _you_ leaving _me_." The truth felt bitter in Jeonghan's tongue.

"I would never leave you," Seungcheol shifted to kneel infront of Jeonghan's crying form, reaching out to hold his hands gently. "No matter who you are. I love you, Han. I ー"

Jeonghan shook his head furiously and pulled free from Seungcheol. "No, you _don't_. Not the way I love you, Cheol."

Swallowing his frustration, Seungcheol stood up to lean over Jeonghan, his arms caging the younger to the armchair. Jeonghan's eyes were wide as he tried to lean back further, but Seungcheol placed a firm hand on the side of his neck to keep him still. He tried to protest, but all that came out was a breathy, "What?"

There was fiery determination in Seungcheol's eyes that took his breath away.

"I love you, Jeonghan." Seungcheol whispered softly before leaning down and sealing his words with a chaste kiss. Jeonghan was in shock and still, his eyes blinking wildly. When Seungcheol pulled away, the sincerity swimming in his eyes made a lump form in Jeonghan's throat.

 _There_. That was that same look Seungcheol gave him when they talked that winter. That was the way Seungcheol looked at Jeonghan when he would smile and laugh without a care in the world. It was the same twinkle in his eyes whenever their eyes met. He had never placed what it was other than fondness and adoration, surely something possibly platonic.

No. It was _love_. He saw Seungcheol's love in his eyes and in the way he looked at the younger as if he'd never want anything else so long as they were together. Right now, he was presenting Jeonghan his pure heart and trusting him to not twist the knife that (whether intentional or not) he'd already imbedded.

Jeonghan felt as if he could burst from happiness at Seungcheol's confession. Overcome with the passion in his heart, he slipped a hand behind Seungcheol's head and pulled him down.

Jeonghan's kiss was far different from Seungcheol's. His fingers were tangled in Seungcheol's dark locks, lightly pressing. His other hand came up to hold unto Seungcheol's bicep and the other instinctively slipped his arms around Jeonghan. He hoisted the younger and pressed themselves together.

Their heated breaths mingled and their hands desperately sought out contact. Seungcheol moaned lightly when Jeonghan gently nibbled on his bottom lip before taking control. When Jeonghan gave up on controlling the kiss, he pushed at Seungcheol and their lips parted for a moment as he stumbled to the bed. Jeonghan straddled his hips and crashed their lips together, his hands going back to knot themselves into Seungcheol's hair again. Seungcheol had a firm grip on Jeonghan's thighs and the younger quivered when his hands travelled up and down leisurely.

After a few more minutes, they were forced to break apart. Seungcheol looked up at Jeonghan and felt quite proud at the sight of the flush of red on Jeonghan's cheeks and the redness of his swollen lips. At some point, he had managed to loosen the ribbon in Jeonghan's hair and some strands fell to frame his face. He smiled softly and leaned his head on Jeonghan's shoulder, murmuring against his neck, "I love you."

"I love you, too." Jeonghan felt Seungcheol smile against his skin and couldn't help himself from doing the same. Being able to finally say those words to Seungcheol felt like a dream ー a dream he'd never want to wake up from. When Seungcheol leaned back, Jeonghan struggled to clamber off his lap and sit next to him instead. 

They sat side by side in silence, occasionally stealing a glance at each other. Jeonghan would uncharacteristically blush, a pretty pink shade on his cheekbones, and Seungcheol would smile gently. After a while, Jeonghan cleared his throat awkwardly. 

"I meant to apologize." He says meekly, looking at Seungcheol through his lashes. "I didn't want to have to do that, but you know how stupid I can be sometimes." 

"You just did what you thought was best," Seungcheol consoled, seeming to have put his pain aside. "And what matters is that you're here now, right?"

Seungcheol looked at Jeonghan with hopeful eyes. He knew he could never take it if Jeonghan left a second time. It was a silent plea to promise him, maybe not forever, but _right now_. Jeonghan smiled at Seungcheol to ease him and reached to intertwine their hands. He brought their linked hands to his face, never once breaking eye contact with Seungcheol, and pressed a light kiss against the back of Seungcheol's hand. 

"That's right. I'm home."

 

**Author's Note:**

> Again, sorry for the long wait 
> 
> I had actually hesitated in writing a sequel to Saudade since it might not be as good, but I do understand that I did leave that hanging so I decided to make a sequel in the end  
> I hope you enjoyed the story, and please leave a Kudos if you did  
> Comments are highly appreciated
> 
> If you'd like to request for a story, you can email me at goldgates02@gmail.com


End file.
